Caroline, Jenny and Caitlin
Jenny and I had been together for six years and we were keen to have a child in our life. I have always wanted to have children, and now we have a lively little girl Caitlin, who is four years old, as well as four pets, Molly, Polly the guinea pigs, Lucy the cat) and Rupert the rabbit.
We have faced a number of challenges, including our own parents’ initial attitudes, and fears based on how others would react. Because there are no legal rights for non-birth mother, this has meant that have had to spend time and money getting legal advice such as parenting orders. There is also still not a clear legal standing when we are required to use documents such as the parenting orders, and inheritance is another very grey area.
In general though, we have not really had problems. We have found that childcare services and the families we have connected with have been very supportive, both gay and straight. Our immediate and extended families have also been very supportive.
The great thing about our family is to be able to watch Caitlin develop and experience the world around her. She’s a very vivacious child who loves people and has a wonderful enthusiasm for life. We love sharing time together and going on new adventures; laughing, playing, family hugs, the simple and everyday moments of fun, joy and togetherness. Cait is also enjoying spending lots of time with her grandparents.
Caitlin’s friends are impressed with Cait’s having two mums and she is very proud of this too. She often ‘outs’ us in public, telling the check-out person at supermarkets, or the waiter in cafés and so on that these are her two mums. Gone is our luxury of staying in the closet!
Legal recognition and equal rights for our families would make so many things easier– for instance, having a clear standing as a family when gaining access to health, community and educational services and programs. At the moment it is always a major process in outlining who we are and in producing legal documentation.
Such legal recognition would also establish a less homophobic environment. Whilst this has not been a problem for us so far, we know that Caitlin will probably be vulnerable to this as she gets older within her school environment, as was shown in the 2005 Australia-wide report Writing Themselves In with regards to same-sex attracted youth and experiences of prejudice, especially in school.
Broadening the definition of family to encompass us also means we don’t have to constantly justify that we are ’normal’ – rainbow families become part of this ‘norm’.
