Cathie, Simone and Katie-Jane
Our immediate family includes two parents, me and my partner Simone, and our daughter Katie-Jane. We also have two grandparents, an Aunty, and a brother and his adoptive family. Katie-Jane’s father is not a part of her life right now. I came as a package deal -– Simone and I fell in love, that’s how we became family.
We have faced a lot of challenges. Katie-Jane’s father and I separated when I was 20 weeks pregnant. When Katie was born I was a single parent. Since being with Simone there has been pressure from my family, and we have had to deal with the legal implications. Some members of my family don’t believe that Simone should be considered a part of our family, and don’t understand why the ubiquitous “Aunty” cannot apply. I try to explain that “Aunty” doesn’t recognise Simone’s role as a true care-giver and parent. However my family does recognise that Katie-Jane is much much happier since we have settled our family.
We have a parenting order in process, but the law doesn’t recognise Simone’s role specifically. If Simone could adopt Katie-Jane, that would be a better option. We also know that in Victoria access to fertility services is limited. We would like to have a baby and for Simone to be the birth mother this time, so it is important for us that the law is changed so that Katie-Jane’s relationship with a potential sibling would be recognised.
I’d like to see the obligatory “mother” and “father” taken off so many forms. It doesn’t recognise that we are a family in our own right. This has impacted on everything: childcare, kinder and school. To enrol Katie-Jane in school I had to get her father to attend the interview, because the system doesn’t accept the reality of our family. Mostly though, we have been lucky, we haven’t experienced direct discrimination.
Once our family was at a calisthenics competition. Katie-Jane and a friend were sitting in front of Simone and I and Katie-Jane said, “I have a new step-mum. That’s her behind you” Her friend said “cooool”. Her friend is 6. I sat there and tears welled up, and I was thinking “that is what it’s about”. If people are not taught to hate, it doesn’t come naturally.
There are lots of great things about our family. Katie-Jane looks at things differently, she wants to be a drag queen (!), and she doesn’t see difference as other children might. Katie’s teacher thinks that she is a lot happier in class since Simone and I have been together. Katie’s dad is amazed at how normal our life is.
Katie has a say in what happens, but that means she has responsibility. She is learning that girls can do anything, the housework is meant to be shared, and a relationship can be loving. Simone and I are learning that kids are amazing, they can accept anything, explanations do not need to be extended, and the very simple truth is enough. I figure if she is proud of who we are, then we can be as well.
We are planning a commitment ceremony for Simone and I next year, but because there is no legal recognition, some of my family are not supportive. We feel like this attitude diminishes our relationship. We know intellectually it doesn’t, but the reality is, we would love all of our family to be there. Simone is changing her surname to mine and Katie-Jane’s and the new baby will have our surname as well.
Our family make-up is complex, but our family life is simple. We work, our daughter goes to school, does calisthenics, swimming, sport. We have five fish, four cats, two dogs, two rabbits and 1500 worms. We cook, clean, do the chores , and both kiss our daughter goodnight.
