Martina and Family
Our family consists of myself, my partner and our son, aged 6. It also includes our dog Daisy! Our son was conceived via known donor insemination and has a positive relationship with his biological father. We consider him and his partner part of our extended family, but not our nuclear family. I met my partner when my son was four years old and prior to this, I was a single mother.
I always wanted a child and being a lesbian was NOT going to stop me despite what some narrow-minded people believed. My family was created out of love and an intense desire to parent a child to the best of my ability. Although I was on my own at the time, it did not create any problems for me. I did not see my lesbianism as a barrier to having a family, and we hope to one day extend our family further with my partner giving birth, adopting a child or fostering a child.
At the time I conceived, it was illegal for women to artificially inseminate in Victoria. I advertised in the gay paper for a donor and spent many hours getting to know him through interviews, conversations, etc. He had blood tests, etc to check for HIV and other STIs. I eventually conceived my son after three attempts of artificial insemination. I had a great experience at the hospital where he was born and also had great experiences when telling my GP about my plans to conceive. Ideally I would love my partner to adopt our son now, as currently she has no rights as a guardian of him, despite him calling her “Mum”.
I recall when I was at uni one member of my tutorial saying lesbians should not be parents. I stood up and defended our right to have families and gave a long testimony as to why lesbians and gay men should have access to fertility services, how we have to go to so much more trouble to become pregnant and that our children are very much wanted (unlike the many “accidents” which occur in the heterosexual community). I informed this woman that our children did not grow up any different to heterosexual people’s children. I saw her a few years later and she apologised and said I had completely changed her attitude to gay parenting. I felt good!
The best thing about being part of our family is the interesting and valuable experiences we have as a family with two mums. Our son is always coming home telling us how other kids in his class at school wish they had two mums too. Our son is a well-adjusted boy who is happy in his family and is proud of his mums. We are proud to be different but also acknowledge that in reality we are very similar to other families also – we are just two women and a son, rather than a mum, dad and a son.
Everybody in our lives is very supportive. My son’s school principal told him recently that our chickens (in the shed at school) had two mums just like him, and it made him feel very special. We have great relationships with everyone – grandparents are supportive, neighbours drop presents around for our son and flowers around to us regularly, teachers and parents at school are supportive and our colleagues at work give us BOTH time off work if our son is sick.
We are not special necessarily because we are a rainbow family, we are special because we have a unique relationship with our son and all the people involved in our lives to bring up a well-adjusted, caring, intelligent, loving child who is proud to be in the family he is in.
If I could change one thing for families like ours, it would be to allow co parents to adopt their child/ren so they can become legal guardians. There is no need to discriminate against people because of the people they choose to love!
Please treat us as you and your families would wish to be treated. Homosexual families will not go away, and we are not hurting anyone. We are not depraved or rampant pedophiles or whatever other ideas you have about us. We are the doctors, nurses, teachers, accountants, politicians, engineers, etc that keep this country moving and growing and we deserve equality in love, life, families and marriage. Thank you for your time!
