Sacha, Anna and Mabel
Both of us have always wanted children, It was a natural progression for the love we have for each other. We hoped we had everything a child needs: emotional safety and security.
Mabel was conceived in 2005 on our second attempt at donor insemination in Albury. It was a six-hour round trip for an hour-long appointment, and the inseminations took ten minutes. For our second we are going to Tasmania, because of Albury’s very long waiting list. We have had five unsuccessful attempts. It has been exhausting, traumatic and difficult. We spend up to $500 on flights, miss up to three days of work, and spend ten minutes in the clinic.
The hardest thing is that the specialists are interstate. You contact them by phone, and are at the mercy of when they decide to call back. We have had to wait 24 hours for advice when things have gone wrong. If further investigations are needed we have to go to our GP and ask them to do what the interstate clinician suggests. It’s a logistical nightmare.
Trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster, plus we are negotiating airfares, babysitting, finding $1200 a month – for clinic costs, airfares, travel – and managing work. It takes away a lot of the joy that should come with making babies.
It is humiliating to know we could access all of these services in a clinic less than 20 minutes drive from our house. We are two professional, well-meaning, law abiding Victorian citizens, trying to make a family the only way that suits us. To be the victims of such discrimination is frustrating, saddening and humiliating.
Since Mabel’s birth people’s responses have been quite surprising. Those we thought would have issues have opened their arms and hearts to us, while others have let their issues inhibit their involvement in our family. Our parents view their straight daughter and son-in-law with the same degree of parental pride as they do us.
Our response to homophobic comments (in the media etc) has been heightened. We feel more vulnerable and want to protect her. We face heterosexist attitudes in everyday life, and our best defense is to look after each other, surround ourselves with good people who support us. We talk plainly and openly about our family in the hope that by increasing awareness people will
realise we are just the same as any other family!
It is lovely to know that we are part of this community who will do anything for their children! We feel proud to align ourselves with other men and women who are fighting just as hard as we are to gain
full rights and recognition for our unique families. Being gay or lesbian means each of us has our own coming out journey which gives us compassion and acceptance towards all aspects of human nature. We are hoping to raise our children to accept people for who they are, to let everyone make their own choices and try not to impart our own bias.
We would love it if the wider community could understand what it takes for two mums or dads to make their precious children. We hope this understanding would lead to other positive changes such as Mum (Anna) being recognised as an equal parent.
We are an everyday family: we can’t decide what to make for dinner, we battle with bills, we bicker over taking out the garbage and complain about the inlaws! We suffer sleep deprivation when Mabel gets new teeth and worry about what sort of teenager she will be. We don’t want anything more than heterosexual families get. We want the same recognition, the same entitlements. To be seen as a family, by everyone.
