Sarah, Felicity, Rafi, Callum and Cameron
Felicity and I have been together 7 years, and are mothers of nine-month-old twins Rafi and Callum. Cameron, their donor dad, lives interstate, and stays for the weekend every six weeks. He’s a long-term mutual friend who is very committed to his part in the boys’ lives.
It’s been a long journey. I always wanted children, and coming out did not change that. Felicity and I started finding out about our options five years ago, and how the law would impact on us. These were not decisions to make lightly.
One major decision was whether to inseminate at home with known donor (breaking the law) or use an interstate clinic, at the time our only other option. It was scary to realise how little legal protection our family would have under the current law, including lack of legal protection for the non-birth mum’s relationship with the child, and ambiguity about the donor’s legal status. But we wanted our children to not only know their biological parentage, but to have a meaningful relationship with their donor.
Ironically, I didn’t experience nearly the same difficulties as many women in accessing fertility services, because I am “lucky” enough to have a diagnosed infertility condition. However it took some time for this to become clear, before which we invested considerable time, money and energy in exploring other options, including becoming patients at a Brisbane clinic. Dealing with infertility, IVF and miscarriage was stressful, but we had fantastic support.
It all feels a long time ago now. I’m home full-time, and Felicity is working part-time. Neither of us want to miss a moment of these early years. We’re exhausted, but it’s the happiest time of our lives. Watching our boys grow, and especially the relationship between them, is amazing.
Now we’re planning number three. We hope Felicity can be their birth mother, it’s an experience we both wanted. She has no known infertility, so we’ll use the known donor self-inseminaton scheme. Without it we’d be flying interstate every month. But unless the laws change, our third child will not be recognised as Rafi and Callum’s sibling, because of having a different method of conception and birth mother.
Cameron is not a parent and has no legal or financial responsibility. But the kids will know him as ‘daddy’ and he’ll be a special person in their lives. Rafi and Callie have six grandparents, six Aunties and five uncles. Life with newborn twins is pretty exhausting, and we’re very lucky to have supportive friends and family. We feel that the more people who love our kids, the better!
I feel confident that though we’re taking a relatively uncharted road, we can deal with anything the future holds. We are all people who can talk through anything, and all feel proud of the choices we are making. This will be such an important foundation for our children to feel good about themselves and proud of their family.
My mum Jan says: “Having grandchildren is not something I ever expected to happen. When it became clear Sarah and Felicity were serious about having children, I thought it was amazing and wonderful. People who oppose lesbian families are utterly ridiculous. These children are so wanted. These days there are all kinds of families – blended and so on. People can make all kinds of things work, if they want to. I think its terrific the way everyone is so accepting of this family, and that Rafi and Callum have so many people who love them.”
“When Sarah came out, I put any thoughts of grandchildren out of my head. Now that Rafi and Callie have arrived in our family, it’s just the most joyful experience.” – Grammy Jan
