Tony, Lee, Alexander and Lucinda
Tony and I have been together for 17 years. We have two children, Alexander, 4 and Lucinda, 18 months. We live in a lovely old home opposite a great park with our two dogs. We drive a station wagon with two car seats and a pram in the back. We socialise with friends and other families, attend playgroup, go on outings, grab occasional ‘me’ time, and worry about parenting to our best ability. We live a ‘usual’ life, but happen to be a gay couple.
Wanting to create a family is a natural desire. Discovering that I was same-sex attracted did not automatically squash my long held desire to parent. It did however make me realise that it was going to be a lot harder and longer process than expected.
In 2001, Tony and I stumbled across an article on USA-based surrogacy. That awakened our long-shelved desires and we were soon investigating how we might make our dreams come true. Before settling on surrogacy we spoke to the relevant government department, and the Health Minister’s staff about international adoption. We considered adoption as a single parent, and known adoption where the adopting parent’s name could appear on the birth certificate. But everything was against us, purely because of our sexuality.
We also spoke with a number of lesbian couples about co-parenting, but eventually decided that surrogacy was the only way we could create our own family unit. The surrogacy path is fairly straightforward, but its huge cost creates the biggest barrier. After many US trips and many attempts, we are now proud Dads of a son and a daughter.
As a new family, we participate in our local community and services. I first took Alexander to our local MCH centre when he was just a few weeks old. A new parents’ group was forming, and whilst I was probably a bit of a novelty, I was quickly embraced by the other parents. As a part time worker and main stay-at-home Dad, I use our local parent-run daycare centre. In both these worlds, I have not come up against prejudice or mistreatment.
I usually take our children to daycare, but my partner occasionally picks them up. Once when Alexander came running up yelling "Daddy Daddy Daddy!", a little girl said, "you’re not Alexander’s Daddy". Tony replied "Yes I am, Alexander has two Daddies". The girl looked puzzled for a moment and then said, "That’s not fair, I only have one Daddy".
We think our family is special because we have the opportunity to raise children that may ultimately make a difference in the world. People are not born with prejudices, bigotry and homophobic attitudes. Children, unaware of social pressures to conform, are totally accepting of difference.
We would like to see the amendment of all forms of legislation (state, federal and international) that discriminate. Love is what makes a family, whether your family consists of blood lines, adoption or foster care, friends, neighbours, people of the same sex or people of different sex, race or colour. One of the best things about our family has to be the huge smile on our children’s faces as they wake and greet you in the morning – we think that is something all families can understand.
