FAQs
Research has shown that there are same-sex parented, or rainbow families present in many communities around Australia - in the city, the suburbs, and in regional and rural areas. It's more than likely that you know someone who is part of a rainbow family.
However, fear of discrimination forces many people to hide the reality of their family structure. This means a lot of ignorance persists about the realities of life for rainbow families and our children. Here we address some of the more frequently asked questions about rainbow families.
Do children raised in rainbow families turn out the same as children raised in heterosexual-parented families?
According to Australian and overseas research, the simple answer to this is 'yes'. The vast majority of research shows that when compared with their opposite-sex parented peers, children of same-sex parented families:
- Show no differences in school performance or IQ;
- Show no differences in emotional function, psychological and behavioural development;
- Do not have (what researchers refer to as) 'gender identity problems', and tend to play gender-typical games; and
- Are no more likely to become gay or lesbian themselves. (McNair, 2004)
Some studies have shown that adult offspring of lesbian parents have no more stress, anxiety or depression than others. Overwhelmingly, the research shows that the quality of parenting, not the gender or sexuality of the parents, is the key determinant of outcomes for children.
Is there anything positive about having same-sex parents?
Many studies show that children of same-sex parents have a greater understanding of diversity. Their teachers rated these children as more tolerant, and boys as more sensitive than others (McNair, 2004, p 63). Other studies found that children with same-sex parents have higher self-esteem than do children of other families (McNair, 2004, p 57).
What do rainbow families look like?
Rainbow families are as diverse as other Australian families. They live in the city, suburbs and country, and come from different ethnic, cultural and socio-economic backgrounds.
In most ways, rainbow families are the same as everyone else's. The only difference is that parents form their primary relationships with people of the same sex. Some call themselves lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Some prefer not to use labels. Many are parenting in couples, while others are sole parents. As with heterosexual families, many rainbow families are 'blended', including full or part-time care of children from previous, often heterosexual relationships. Others are made up of co-parents from the very beginning, including for example two mothers and one father, two fathers and a mother, or four parents (imagine being adored by eight grandparents!)
How do lesbians and gay men have children?
Some lesbians conceive using donor insemination or another treatment at a fertility clinic, whether interstate or in Victoria (if they are proven medically infertile). Some may use clinic-donated sperm, while others bring their own 'known donor'. Others conceive at home using sperm from a known donor, usually a friend, who may or may not be gay.
Gay men are increasingly acting as the known donor or co-parent to children with lesbian couples or single women. Some gay men conceive their children through an overseas surrogacy arrangement.
What role do donors play in families?
The role of a sperm donor can range from having no involvement at all, to playing a significant role in the child's everyday life. In Victoria, a child born of anonymous clinic donor sperm is able to find out who their donor is when they turn 18. Many clinic donors are willing to be contacted earlier, and some women choose their child's donor for this reason. Most gay men who conceive their children through overseas surrogacy have ongoing contact with the surrogate, and in some cases also the egg donor.
Are children in rainbow families told about their method of conception and origins?
Same-sex parented families demonstrate a high level of honesty about their child's origins and method of conception from early on. Parents are usually unable to conceal this information (some assistance was clearly required!) and usually do not want to. By contrast, the majority of heterosexual-parented donor-conceived children are still not told about their biological origins, despite changing attitudes. Parents may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or believe that the child does not need to know.
Many donor-conceived children report great distress on discovering their origins in later life. Their experience and that of adopted children suggests that being open and honest with children about their origins as early as possible is the best way to ensure a healthy and positive feeling about their family and themselves.
Are children in rainbow families bullied?
There are many children of lesbian and gay parents out there who have gone through school without experiencing teasing or bullying. The research shows that same-sex parented children are able to find good friendships, and are no more stigmatised than others. However, in one Victorian study, just under half of the children of lesbian parents reported experiencing bullying. (Ray and Gregory, 2001)
Children are bullied for many reasons - appearance, ethnicity, disability or religion,
as well as their family structure. Children of same-sex parents have to deal with being different, as do many other children.
Research suggests that same-sex parents are able to help their children do this. Children show remarkable resilience, especially if they have a stable and loving home environment.
Children of same-sex parents are less likely to be bullied if we can create a society - including schools - that accepts and celebrates all forms of difference, and challenges homophobia. The Victorian Department of Education and Training in 2005 released Safe Schools are Effective Schools, which included a section on schools responding to homophobic bullying.
What do children call their same-sex parents?
Families have found lots of creative ways to deal with this, just as other families find ways to differentiate between sets of grandparents, or to name step-parents. Some are 'Mum and Mummy,' 'Daddy and Papa,' 'Mamma and Ema' or 'Mummy Maria and Mummy Jen'. Some do as heterosexual-parented families do, and use first names of the parents. Children themselves often choose what to call their parents.
Why don't gay men and lesbians just adopt or foster?
There are many gay and lesbian couples and single people who are foster parents, and fostering agencies are continually recruiting in gay and lesbian communities. Unfortunately, same-sex couples are barred from any form of adoption in Victoria, even of foster children they may have cared for over many years.
The desire to create a loving home and family, and to conceive and bear children is deeply-felt and sexual orientation is irrelevant. Same-sex couples, like many heterosexual couples, will go to great lengths and expense to create and raise their families, despite the range of laws that make it stressful and difficult to do so.
REFERENCES
McNair, R. Outcomes for Children Born of ART in a Diverse Range of Families, Victorian Law Reform Commission Occasional Paper 2004
Ray V and Gregory R 2001 'School experiences of the children of lesbian and gay parents', Family Matters, 59, Journal of the Australian Institute of Family Studies
