Hot topics
Here we address some of the common myths and concerns about rainbow families, drawing on the extensive research done into the outcomes for children of rainbow families, and the experiences of rainbow families themselves. Some of these concerns arise from a simple lack of knowledge about rainbow families, and others from prejudice and homophobia.
1. All children have the right to a mother and a father, to provide positive female and male role models.
A quarter of a century of scholarly research demonstrates that children of same-sex parents show no adverse differences in development, happiness, peer relations or adjustment, as summarised in the 'What the research says' sheet, and the VLRC 'Outcomes for children' Occasional Paper (McNair 2005).
Research demonstrates that it is family processes, not structure, that determine children's wellbeing; factors such as the happiness of adult relationships in the household, and openness and warmth between adults and children. Research about outcomes for children of single mothers is often cited to 'prove' that it is not in children's interests to be raised by lesbians. Yet it is poverty often suffered by sole parent families that disadvantages children, along with disruption often by family breakdown, including sometimes family violence (Flood 2003).
Children seek out role models in every environment in which they find themselves. Positive role models of what it means to be a good man or woman can be provided by many people in children's lives, regardless of gender: their uncles, aunts, grandmothers and grandfathers, teachers, coaches, neighbours and friends, as well as their parents.
2. There are hardly any families with same-sex parents. Changing the law is pandering to a minority at the expense of the majority of families.
It is difficult to estimate the numbers of families with same-sex parents, but recent surveys in the lesbian and gay community demonstrate that around 20 percent of lesbian women have children, and a further 20 percent are planning to do so. Until recently, most children living in same-sex parented families originated from heterosexual relationships. However increasing numbers of same-sex couples are now creating families.
It is challenging for those who make this claim to explain how affirming the rights of one kind of family undermines the wellbeing of others. Indeed, there is some evidence that in countries that have legalised gay marriage, for example, the institution has actually been strengthened.
In Australia there are many different family types. There are one-parent, two-parent, and grandparent-headed families. There are stepfamilies and divorced, blended, foster and adoptive families. There are families with one child, families with ten, families with no relatives and families where many different generations live together and care for the children. Yet even if they are a minority, children in rainbow families deserve to have their rights recognised in law.
3. Same-sex couples should not have children because they will be bullied at school.
Homophobic bullying of children from rainbow families is by no means inevitable. In addition, would anyone argue that the existence of bullying on the basis of race or religion means that people from minority cultures or religions should not have children?
The law should not reinforce intolerance, but should encourage young people to accept and celebrate difference. Indeed, recent Australian surveys found that young people were much more accepting same-sex relationships and families than older generations, while in 2005 the Victorian Department of Education and Training released Safe Schools are Effective Schools, which included a section on schools responding to homophobic bullying. Recognising rainbow families will further decrease homophobia directed at children.
4. Children of same-sex couples will grow up to be gay themselves.
There is some evidence that children of gay men and lesbians are more accepting of all forms of diversity, and they might feel more comfortable and positive about themselves if they do identify as lesbian or gay. However all available evidence shows that there is no greater chance of a person growing up lesbian or gay because they have lesbian or gay parents.
It's worth remembering that most lesbian and gay people had heterosexual parents. As many parents know, children do not always follow the examples they set! In addition, of course, this claim is based on the prejudiced assumption that it is undesirable to be lesbian or gay.
5. Gay relationships are inherently unstable, and thus unsuitable for bringing up children.
Like other adults in Australia, the majority of lesbians and gay men are in stable, committed relationships. Just as in heterosexual relationships, there can be problems and break-ups. In Australia, 31 percent of children are born outside marriage (ABS 2002), most in heterosexual relationships.
The Australian Medical Association and the American Academy Of Paediatrics accept and endorse lesbian and gay parenting as there is no evidence that this harms children. Indeed, if same-sex marriages were officially recognized by Australian law, same-sex relationships would be even further protected through legal marriage.
A quarter of a century of scholarly research has demonstrated clearly that same-sex parents are just as able to provide good, loving, stable homes for their children, and that children are in no way disadvantaged by their parents' gender or sexual orientation (see 'What the research says').
6. Lesbians want to have children without men, because they hate men and want to make them redundant.
Many lesbian parents conceive their children with male friends, who will often be a special person in the child's life, from occasional contact, to a role like that of a 'favourite uncle', to a parenting role.
Other lesbian parents go to great lengths to ensure that their children will have access to information about their sperm donor, from choosing one whose identity is available when the child turns 18 or before, to creating their family with a known donor or co-parent father. One Victorian study found that lesbian parents were more likely to use a known donor so that their children can have some relationship to their biological father (McNair et al, 2002).
7. Gay men and lesbians are more likely to sexually abuse children.
Statistics indicate that 90 percent of all child sexual abuse cases involve a heterosexual male perpetrator. Gay men and lesbian women are attracted to other adults of the same sex as themselves. Paedophilia, on the other hand, is an abuse of power over children. Paedophilia and sexual orientation are not the same thing, nor is there any correlation between the two.
8. There is more domestic violence and abuse in gay and lesbian relationships.
It is difficult to obtain clear statistics on domestic violence in same-sex relationships. The ABS 1996 Women's Safety Survey found one in four women who had been in heterosexual relationships had experienced an incident of physical violence. Research shows that domestic violence can occur in same-sex relationships, but there is no evidence that this is more common than it is in heterosexual relationships.
9. Gay and lesbian parents are exposing their children to immoral practices that are against God's teachings.
All religions teach love and respect. Not one religion teaches hatred or intolerance toward other human beings. What is harmful to children and to our society is homophobia, intolerance and hatred of gays and lesbians, not homosexuality.
Some people think that same-sex parents are more likely to inappropriately expose their children to ideas about sexuality or different sexual practices, which they may consider 'immoral'. As parents, it is our responsibility to talk with our children about relationships and sexuality in age-sensitive and honest ways, when this is appropriate. How we do this is an individual decision that all parents must make, in the context of their own belief systems. However, same-sex parents are no more likely to speak inappropriately about such matters.
We do speak openly with our children about how their families might be different from others, when they ask. All children can understand simple concepts about love, belonging, difference, respect, acceptance and family.
10. The research quoted by same-sex family advocates is based on a biased view.
As part of its Enquiry the VLRC commissioned Dr Ruth McNair to review 18 studies of outcomes from children conceived using Assisted Reproductive Technologies using both quantative and qualitative methodologies. Some were Australian, and a number reviewed the outcomes for children of gay and lesbian parents compared with the outcomes for children of heterosexual parents. McNair cites other systematic reviews of the same-sex parents research, which proved them to be methodologically rigorous. Australian and international research consistently shows that children in same-sex parented families fare at least as well as those in heterosexual families.
REFERENCES
American Civil Liberties Union, Too High a Price: the Case Against Restricting Gay Parenting, published online, 2005
Flood, M, Fatherhood and Fatherlessness, Discussion Paper no. 59, the Australia Institute, Canberra, 2003
McNair, R. Outcomes for Children Born of ART in a Diverse Range of Families, Victorian Law Reform Commission Occasional Paper, 2004
McNair, R, Demsey, D, Wise, S and Perlesz, A, 'Lesbian parenting: issues, strengths and challenges', Family Matters Vol 63, Journal of the Australian Institute for Family Studies
Patterson, CJ, 'Family relationships of lesbians and gay men', Journal of Marriage and the Family, vol 62
Tasker, F and Golombok, S, Growing Up in a Lesbian Family, The Guilford Press, New York, 1997
